'I don’t want to wait until it’s too late': Woman considers secretly re-housing her irresponsible brother-in-law's turtoise, after learning the fate of his gecko, and realizing how his careless behavior is "wearing down" her husband

Author image for Emma Saven
Emma Saven
Aug 25, 2025 3:00 PM EDT

Some people should not be allowed to have pets…Animals require love, attention, and the right resources, and when their owner provides none of the above, it may be time to start considering another option to enable a better quality of life for neglected animals. 

This 20-year-old boy is going through his 'I don't care about anyone or anything' phase, and unfortunately, his pet tortoise is grouped into the 'anything' category…Whilst living with his brother and wife, his behavior is starting to wear them down, and if they can't get rid of the little brother, they would at least like to get rid of his pets in the house, to give them a future that's brighter than dirty cages and outdated food… 

His sister-in-law weighs out all of her options as she doesn't wish to experience another pet tragedy (R.I.P. Mr. Gecko), thus deciding their secretly re-homing his tortoise might be the only way to teach him a lesson…if he even realises it's missing!

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  • Animals are not toys, they deserve care and respect. So we think this sister has every right to remove her brother-in-law's access to his pets until he learns to a.) take better care of them b.) take better care of himself. Because the more he acts as if he doesn't care about anything, the more things that will be taken away from him, such as his brother's and sister-in-law's patience and support…

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    Tortoise in the garden
    via _Pabliyo

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    AITA for rehoming my brother-in-law’s tortoise without telling him?

    My (31F) husband (30M) and I let my brother in law (20M) move in with us late last year following grwduating trade school. He's
    via Solid_Seaworthiness6
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    young, struggling, and has been having a hard time adjusting to adulthood. We wanted to give him stability and support while he figures things out.
    via Solid_Seaworthiness6
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    But since moving in, his behavior has been difficult to manage. He acts much younger than his age (almost like a rebellious teenager), struggles with basic
    via Solid_Seaworthiness6
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    responsibilities, and has been very apathetic about things in general. Recently its become clear he is utilizing chosen helplessness
    via Solid_Seaworthiness6
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    and weaponized incompetence. My husband has sacrificed a lot for him; money, time, emotional energy, and recently admitted it's wearing him down. Just in the last.
    via Solid_Seaworthiness6
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    2 weeks my husband is reaching his wits end (I never thought the day would come as my husband has this sort of guilt/obligation to his family).
    via Solid_Seaworthiness6
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    One of the biggest issues has been my BILs pets. He brought a gecko and a tortoise with him. Earlier in June, I texted him to remind him that he needed to
    via Solid_Seaworthiness6
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    step up his animal care, because I noticed he was neglecting them (tanks so underkept that my house smelled, covered in f es, water bowl bone dry, their food in
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    the fridge that had gone bad WEEKS ago). Within a week, the gecko d d. He didn't really show much emotion about it, and it was clear to me that neglect was a major factor.
    via Solid_Seaworthiness6
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    Now, I've noticed his tortoise is also being neglected. I feed and check on it sometimes just to make sure it's alive, but it's not my pet and I didn't sign up for
    via Solid_Seaworthiness6
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    this responsibility (we took care of his pets the year he went away for school, our part is done regarding his pets care). I'm worried it's going to suffer the same fate as the gecko if nothing changes.
    via Solid_Seaworthiness6
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    Young individuals arguing
    via Polina Zimmerman

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    I've thought about quietly rehoming the tortoise to someone who would actually take care of it. I wouldn't tell him beforehand, because if I do, he'll
    via Solid_Seaworthiness6
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    either promise to do better (and then not follow through), or get defensive. I also don't want to wait until it's too late, like with the gecko. There's actually a
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    nonprofit zoo nearby that takes in exotic animals as well as cats/dogs people can no longer care for. On one hand, I feel like this would be crossing a boundary; he's an
    via Solid_Seaworthiness6
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    adult, and it's his pet. On the other hand, I don't want to sit by and watch another animal d because of his apathy. So, AITA if I rehome his tortoise without telling him?
    via Solid_Seaworthiness6
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    Briiiiiiyonce NTA. You would be if you let an innocent animal d because of a terrible pet owner. He shouldn't be allowed to have any pets. Good on you.
    via Briiiiiiyonce
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    ParticularAd1735 NTA. Find the tortoise a home with someone who will care for it. Then rehome the BIL.
    via ParticularAd1735
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    makethatnoise Tortoise owner here: they aren't supposed to be kept in tanks (should be in tortoise boxes, they don't understand the glass/clear plastic sides). They also can live 50-70 years, so that's a looong time of mistreatment.
    via makethatnoise
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    Getting rid of someone's pet (property in most states, unfortunately) is a j k move. Be adults. Sit down with BIL and your husband, explain what needs to happen, and guide him through the re-homing process
    via makethatnoise
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    Character-Extreme-34 NTA, but be prepared for this to cause a major rift in the family dynamics. It could also cause issues with you and your spouse. But please do what is best for the animal.
    via Character-Extreme-34
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    WholeAd2742 NTA Keep the tortoise, rehome the BIL
    via WholeAd2742

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Tags

behavior cleaning take-care-of re-house brother sister-in-law tired irresponsible tank standard-of-living turtoise careless neglect gecko brother-in-law feeding rebelling animals
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